Boys and the city: The Deal Breaker.

Boys and the city: The Deal breaker.

One of the reasons that I can so easily get over a guy is because they almost always do or say something that is such a deal breaker that there is really no point of even speaking/looking/pretending to know this person at all anymore. Depending on the level of Deal Break, you will be treated accordingly. There are different deal breakers for everyone, for my brother USUALLY (except for this one time) if you have a child, you are immediately off the list. For most of my guy friends, I’d say that if your occupation is a stripper, that would be a deal breaker as well. These are extremes. Actually, I let A LOT slide. I think of myself as an open person. But some things will just not be tolerated.

Here are my personal deal breakers:

1. Buying me flowers. You can ask any family member of mine and they will tell you that if a guy buys me flowers, I’m going to dump him. It’s weird. It’s like, a sign of commitment to me. It’s like a creepy old man making you to wear his dead wife’s wedding ring. I have only openly accepted one bouquet of flowers, and I’m still not sure why yet. I think because it was delivered (I didn’t have to try and fake a smile, and a thank you) and because it was from my ACTUAL boyfriend, not just a guy I was dating. This is the only exception. If you are dating a girl like me (are there girls like me?) and you don’t want me to run as fast as I can in the other direction, I strongly suggest you get off the 1-800-flowers website and buy me a pizza. Cause that doesn't bug me at all =)

2. Being jealous of my guy friends. No matter what, Guys will ALWAYS say that they don’t mind that I have so many close guy friends. But it never fails, eventually they are going to start mentioning their discomfort with the time spent with them. I know that you’re supposed to “Choose” your guy friends over your boyfriend, and some of them maybe I would. But I have a few that I love dearly, and you have to love them too. Guess what, I am not gonna trip about your opposite sex friends (unless you give me a reason to). So don’t trip about mine. According to my categories you can only be somewhat jealous of the Good History. But that isn’t even valid, because of the keyword HISTORY. Just because I enjoyed my time spent with them doesn’t mean I’m gonna leave you for them. Can I enjoy the human race? Get it together. These guys wouldn’t be my friends if I really wanted to date them. I want to date you. Unless you are committing this deal breaker. Then, well. Don’t expect to hear from me ever again.

3. Clingers. For the thorough description, just read my previous blog about the Stage 5 Clinger. All Clingers must go immediately. I need a lot of space to breathe. I have giant lungs.

4. Surprise visits to my house. I don’t like having you show up randomly. I want you to believe that I always look as good as I do when I hang out with you for as long as possible. As soon as you surprise me at the door of my house in the morning and see me in my hulk pajama bottoms, fake tanner on my arms and my acne face medication on my face… you’ve ruined my self esteem. Now I have to try and prove to you that I’m naturally pretty. Which is now going to take more work than if I just caked on my normal 12 pounds of beauty product. See what you’ve done? Now all my secrets are out and I’m mad at you. You’ve not only seen me in an unflattering state, you’ve wasted all of that time and money spent on trying to look good for you, just for you to ruin it with a surprise coffee and bagel. I might not ever be the same. Or… I’ll just give up on you from sheer annoyance.

5. Being un-employed. I actually tried to date a guy who had no job. We dated for like a month. And it never bothered me that he didn’t work. Until he was asking my mom to make him breakfast, and I was feeding him 3 times a day. I’m not your mother. I’m not your sugar momma. I am generous. I like to pay for people. I like to take care of people. But if you have to ask me for an allowance, I’m going to kick you out immediately. Be a man. Work. If Jesus did it, so can you!

I think these are the ones that needed to be spoken about. Although of course the usual ones like, having a kid(that you never talked about), ignoring me in public or when your with your friends, cheating on me, trying to kill me, cussing out my friends, slashing my tires, and stalking me are obviously one way tickets out of my life.

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Boys and the city: Friend-Friend