Boys and the city: Stage 5 Clinger

Boys and the city: Stage 5 Clinger

I watched ‘He’s just not that into you’ tonight to remind me of how Stage 5 Clingers can be. Even though I have had a recent run in with a few myself. I know a few: Girls AND Boys. Forgive my honesty but, I think I get my personal Clingers because I liked them at first, or liked the attention, then somewhere down the line realized I didn’t like them anymore, or have found someone else and by then they’ve already fallen in love with me!

Honestly, I can meet a guy, think he’s cute, interesting, want to date him and then realize he’s not the one for me usually within 1-3 weeks time. It’s not my fault that the guy has done something or revealed something that I don’t like. If I tried to change this pattern of mine, then I would NEVER give a guy a chance. Anyways...

When I figure out this only going downhill (Honestly, this is usually after a guy gets jealous of my guy friends, cries, or kisses me.. But we'll get to that another time) So, I say ‘Hey, this isn’t working out for me.’ Or ‘I don’t know if I want this anymore’, and Slowly back away.. as AS SOON as the guy feels my pulling away they become a Stage 5 Clinger. They think ‘What did I do?’ ‘Maybe I can convince her to stay?’ ‘Maybe I can change her mind’ and so they persistently call/text/write and show up even when you say not to or drop by to surprise you or buy you gifts hoping your view on them will change.

But Gentlemen, You know what this does? It makes me go from not liking you to hating your guts. Truthfully. Because this goes back to my first blog. When I say ‘This isn’t working for me’ or ‘I’d rather be single’, the ideal response is ‘I Totally understand!’ and then to continue having a completely normal yet distant friendship. Then there is a possibility of me staying in your life in some sort of way. But when you push, and beg… You make not only feel sorry for you, but I get really irritated that you can’t respect my wishes.

Now on the other hand, I have seen some of my girlfriends become Stage 5 Clingers right in front of my eyes… and Although this may sound unfair, I still think it’s mostly the guys fault they become this way. Because I see a lot of guys who date/hook up with girls and then decide they don’t want to anymore (that’s ok.. everyone is entitled to their right to like or dislike people) and IF you decide to let them know, you CONTINUE to hook up with them or BOOTY call them when you’re lonely! Listen loud and clear guys, THAT IS NOT OK! You complain about the girl calling you non-stop, and texting you, and not understanding that you don’t want to be with them but the words and the actions don’t line up.

If your words are saying ‘I don’t like you’ and your actions are saying ‘I like you.. oh baby, oh baby’ it gets a LITTLE confusing. And Although I am a girl, It’s kinda hard for us girls to see… or choose to see.. that we are in fact a booty call that has now spent WAY too much time freaking out over a guy. I see a lot of booty call girls become stage 5 clingers because they like hooking up or hanging out so much that they think, if they do it enough, that the guy will change his mind and realize he’s missing out, and wants the girl around FOR GOOD. But that will never happen.

Guys that truly like girls won’t use them for booty calls.

And Girls that truly like guys won’t tell them they don’t want to be with them.

It really can be that simple.

Next Blog: Boys and the city: The Deal Breaker

Boys in the City: The Misconception

Dear Lovers,
There is definitely a misconception about me in relationships. If you asked most people at my church, my job, most of the friends, they would tell you that I am a relationship flake... I'm fickle... Some may even say that I have no idea what I want.. or I am just too difficult to please. But only 95% of that is true. See, I have what most people would call a 'cocky' attitude, When REALLY I just have a very healthy self-esteem. I don't find myself better than other people (really.. i don't. unless you're stupid), I just know who I am, and I know what I want. I'm not afraid of hurting someone if I know that the truth must be told. Why do we think we have to suffer for someone else's feelings? I might in some situations, but not for love. Not when we're looking at a lifetime together. No way! I'm gonna be as honest as possible in action or word. Yes, sometimes in action. Here are some examples:

If I don't call you back, I don't want to talk to you.
If I pull away when I think you're gonna kiss me, I don't want you to kiss me.
If I don't touch you or flirt with you at all, I just don't like you.
If I invite all of my friends on a date, Then I didn't want to be alone with you.
If I don't show up to a date, Then... I really... don't like you.

You would think I wouldn't have to explain these things right? But I actually do. Because 9 out of 10 guys usually don't get the above physical signs. Let's go on to verbal signs:

I mean from the deep deep core and center of my heart every word below when I say...
I don't like you.
I don't want to date you.
I don't want to be your girlfriend.
I don't want to marry you.
I don't think we should be friends.
I don't think I can hang out with you.
I think we'd be better off as friends.
I would rather be single for the rest of my life.

Again, CRAZY that the above statements could not be taken seriously. But maybe that's why I have been labeled as such a heartless and evil dater. Because boys in the city do not listen.

Look... I love people. I love communication with people. I am a hopeless romantic. I have recently taken up wedding receptions at my job, and every time I see a couple in their post wedding bliss... It makes me want one of my own. But only with someone who I don't want to kill after the first 3-30 days i've known or dated them. I'm going to write about a different situation with my boys every day in a new blog. and maybe someone out there can relate, or understand, or... gasp..  LEARN SOMETHING!

Until then let me leave you with a few facts about myself:
I am stubborn.
I am secure in myself.
I am determined to be happy.
I am intelligent.
I am blunt.
I am mean if you deserve it.
I push myself too hard.
I hate when people (mostly boys) don't... listen.

Tomorrow's Blog: "Boys in the City: The Stage 5 Clinger"