Ok, So I know I said I was gonna write about friend-friends but, after a dinner with some of old girlfriends last night I felt as if I had some more things to say about this Deal-Breaker nonsense. Are there really guys out there like this? I am really starting to give up on the opposite sex and their strange flirting tactics. Ok, Here is a no brainer, and really.. we mean this, guys!
DO NOT make the girl you met less than 48 hours ago read poetry aloud to you in the morning. This makes us think two things... 1) you can't read. 2) you are the creepiest man alive. As my friend Chelsey says 'I don't do cold readings'... and she shouldn't have to. Why do you think that's ok? I just met you, I just STARTED to like you.. and now you've ruined your changes by making me feel as if i'm taking care of you in a nursing home. This may have worked in Beauty and the beast but it doesn't work in the real friggin world. And can we go back to the nursing home topic for a sec...?
Hey Ladies. These are places you PROBABLY shouldn't try to find men:
The Bar.
The Strip Club.
The Clinic.
or The Nursing Home.
and I honestly don't have anything else to say about that.
I also feel the need to blog about a story I heard last night. A Guy actually DREW a bouquet of flowers on a piece of paper. Now, flowers offend me. But the thought that some idiot guy couldn't even creepily buy real flowers, he DREW THEM!? I'm sorry. you need to be put down immediately. If you're gonna be a creep, you might as well act it out in real life. Love does not equal anime.
What happened in the world that the human race started behaving this way toward each other? What happened to meeting people, getting to know them, and liking them for who they were? I think of myself as a pretty honest human being, so chances are.. you're gonna know if you like me right away... and you're gonna know if i like YOU right away. you're either gonna be awesome or creepy. and if you're wondering why i haven't returned your calls lately, you should probably read 3 blogs back. It's safe to say that I don't think you're awesome.
Another deal breaker that must be addressed: Telling a girl you wanna marry her, before you've dated for at least.. and in weird circumstances.. a month or two. I keep meeting these guys who tell me i'm the woman of their dreams and the love of their life like.. a week after they met me! You know how I know you guys are lying? Have you seen me shave my legs yet? Have you seen me in the morning? Have you seen the scar on my knee? Have you heard me fart or burp? Do you know what I smell like when I smell bad? Have you seen the tooth missing in my mouth? I'm sure the answer to all of those things are no. And honestly? I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you I am perfect and precious all of the time. Although I want you to think this for as long as possible... I also want you to know what you're getting into. Cause there are gonna be days I don't want to put on my fake eyelashes or self-tanner, and I'd kinda like it if my husband didn't gasp when I look this way. So, before you're ready to throw around the MARRIAGE and MADLY IN LOVE words, I'm gonna have to ask you to smell my feet.....
Moving on. I'm actually confusing myself with this friend-friend idea. I know i'm the one who came up with it, but... I feel like the number of friend-friend guys in my life are getting smaller and smaller. Possibly because half of my friend-friends ended up dating me and going into flattered-friend zone. But anyways, You know a guy can only remain in the friend-friend zone pretty easily. You just ask yourself one question... Am i jealous of his girlfriend? If you are, then he cant be a friend-friend. if you're not jealous then, he's a friend-friend.
Now there IS a difference between being jealous he has a girlfriend, and just not liking the chic. Some of my friend-friends have dated girls, i just want to slap. I don't like the way they treat my FF's, i don't like the way they are little whiney babies, or I don't like that they are stealing their freedom. That doesn't mean I'm jealous of them, I just want my FF to find a new girl. If I'm jealous of them, I want to be in their shoes. I want my FF to treat me that way. Then I'm in trouble, and I've now gone over into the Flattered Friend Dark Zone. and No one likes that zone. Not ANYONE! It's dangerous. Full of sadness, jealousy, anger, depression, and chocolate. Stay away from this zone if you can. If the guy wants to be more than friends, HE WOULD'VE BEEN ALREADY! so you're alone in this ladies, so just.. try to numb any attraction you have toward this guy immediately and stick him back in the Friend-Friend zone. Trust me.
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