I'd be a happy girl! A eureka burger is always dependable, is always delicious, is always satisfying. If I could depend on a gent in the same way I can depend on a Loma Linda Burger being cooked to perfection, then I swear I wouldn't have 99 problems.
The real reason for this blog is to talk about the "instructor"... The guy who tries to tell me how to live my life or act or look. I don't like you. There are better ways to be friends with or flirt with girls then say "you know what you should do...?"... How about, unless I ask.. don't tell. If I ASK YOU "What do you think about fries?" then you can answer "I like them, but they aren't good for you".. Instead of rolling through and opening up with "Ya know, you shouldn't eat those."... You know what YOU shouldnt do? Speak. Yeah, just try not talking at all. That's what I think you should do.
The other thing i'm loving right now is this gentlemen who keeps visiting me at work. Now, I know I work in a public place, and part of my job is to be friendly to the people who attend here. And I am. Until you start looking at me inappropriately. And until you start following me to my car. and Sitting down and watching me work everytime the buildings open. Then, I'm gonna have to decrease my friendly level and ask you to look deep down inside of yourself and ask "Is there a chance, even though I am at least 3 decades older than Shannon, that she will ever give me the time of day? If I keep showing up here and waiting for 6+ hours for her to smile at me, will she finally give in and let me take her out?"... I am pretty sure if you spent half of the time you spend staring and winking at me on the questions above, then you'd realize you should stop harrassing me from a far and maybe, go to church. k thanks.
Oh! and you douchebags who keep making my best friend cry, watch your back kids. I will absolutely rat out the underage, and fist fight the tall and buff. Make no mistake about that!
Tootles.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
There are no boys in the city...
I have to tell you.. I have so much material on boy-bashing my blog could turn into a book but I really just need to get the good stuff out..
I've made a list of chronic issues that I'm convinced every guy has..
1. Lying.
Guys can't stop doing it. They lie over everything. They lie about work. They lie about who they talk to. They lie about who they listen to. They lie about what they're doing when they call you. Why? Don't you guys want the women in your life to love you inside and out? Don't you want the girl to be in love with you and even with your faults? Which leads me to the next one...
2. Insecurity.
Why are guys so insecure? Don't you people know that girls don't care about money, or clothes, or how many hook-ups you can get. I can always feel the insecurity coming out of a guys shpeel about 'stuff'... STUFF isn't what I want, I want you. I want you to be able to be broke, lost, or upset, or sick, or lonely, or vulnerable... Because I will be all of those things at some point or another too. I'm actually gonna feel unconnected to you if I feel like all you care about is trying to be someone who you really aren't at the moment.
3. Ego's.
There is something really attractive to me about a confident guy, who lacks the above issue but then sometimes if you go overboard and you cannot receive any constructive criticism then you are just a big brick of man who's useless to a woman. There is nothing more repulsive then a homeboy who thinks he's perfect and without fault. You aren't the hottest guy in the bar. You are not the sexiest man on earth. You aren't the only guy who thinks I am decent looking or funny, So just because you talk about how many sit-ups you did today and how John Robert Powers wants you to pay them to represent you as a "model" on abercrombie.com, I'm gonna see straight through your crap and place you on the Friend list immediately, and you'll probably only get on that list if your good looking.
4. Jealousy.
Okay, I'll never get this.. if you are gonna have a hott girlfriend (let's hope she's hott)... Isn't it flattering if another Guy hits on her or tells her she's pretty? How would you feel if men barfed at the sight of your lady? you'd RE-THINK being with her, i guarantee it. So next time you wanna fight the guy who told your girlfriend she has a pretty smile, just politely put your arm around her or kiss her and now you've made yourself look awesome. This should help issues 2 or 3 depending on how douchy you were to begin with.
Ok enough boy-bashing, sorry guys!
Here are some helpful tips:
1. Don't compare video games to love.
2. Don't smoke weed.
3. Watch "Away we go" or "Once" and learn how to love something.
4. Don't push girls.
I've made a list of chronic issues that I'm convinced every guy has..
1. Lying.
Guys can't stop doing it. They lie over everything. They lie about work. They lie about who they talk to. They lie about who they listen to. They lie about what they're doing when they call you. Why? Don't you guys want the women in your life to love you inside and out? Don't you want the girl to be in love with you and even with your faults? Which leads me to the next one...
2. Insecurity.
Why are guys so insecure? Don't you people know that girls don't care about money, or clothes, or how many hook-ups you can get. I can always feel the insecurity coming out of a guys shpeel about 'stuff'... STUFF isn't what I want, I want you. I want you to be able to be broke, lost, or upset, or sick, or lonely, or vulnerable... Because I will be all of those things at some point or another too. I'm actually gonna feel unconnected to you if I feel like all you care about is trying to be someone who you really aren't at the moment.
3. Ego's.
There is something really attractive to me about a confident guy, who lacks the above issue but then sometimes if you go overboard and you cannot receive any constructive criticism then you are just a big brick of man who's useless to a woman. There is nothing more repulsive then a homeboy who thinks he's perfect and without fault. You aren't the hottest guy in the bar. You are not the sexiest man on earth. You aren't the only guy who thinks I am decent looking or funny, So just because you talk about how many sit-ups you did today and how John Robert Powers wants you to pay them to represent you as a "model" on abercrombie.com, I'm gonna see straight through your crap and place you on the Friend list immediately, and you'll probably only get on that list if your good looking.
4. Jealousy.
Okay, I'll never get this.. if you are gonna have a hott girlfriend (let's hope she's hott)... Isn't it flattering if another Guy hits on her or tells her she's pretty? How would you feel if men barfed at the sight of your lady? you'd RE-THINK being with her, i guarantee it. So next time you wanna fight the guy who told your girlfriend she has a pretty smile, just politely put your arm around her or kiss her and now you've made yourself look awesome. This should help issues 2 or 3 depending on how douchy you were to begin with.
Ok enough boy-bashing, sorry guys!
Here are some helpful tips:
1. Don't compare video games to love.
2. Don't smoke weed.
3. Watch "Away we go" or "Once" and learn how to love something.
4. Don't push girls.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Boyfriend Biased.
I know it has been awhile since i've been here to write you, and one of the reasons was that, I feel like now that I have a boyfriend it isn't the same to write and stone bash relationships. But, I guess I can still point out my opinions in the way people communicate and function. Let's talk about ex's...
I have a close group of hottie girlfriends who are perfectly capable of dating someone with intelligence, looks, personality, and humor. But for some reason... these "ex's"... who fall short in almost every catergory or another have these choke holds on my girls. Why is this? My friends aren't dumb, and they would agree with me if I pointed out their flaws. And after all of my thinking, and after going through it MYSELF with my ex, i figured out the only thing keeping these girls around... is... comfort. It is so much more difficult to start things off with a stranger. Luckily for me, the guy I'm with I've known for most of my lifetime. But for a girl to start new with a brand new guy just doesn't happen. it's uncomfortable. Both parties have a higher chance of getting hurt or dissapointing the other person than if they dated someone theyve been with before or have known as a friend before. But back in the day it didn't happen like that...
All the movies and fairytales talk about how the guy found the girl of his dreams walking through a mall or a park. HAS THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU? No. I have never been walking through a store, locked eyes with a guy, and spoken to him. And You know who i blame? The freaks. yes. all you freaks out there have ruined the ways of meeting a mate. Because if a guy comes up to me.. asks me out, or tells me i'm beautiful.. he goes to the 'freak' category immedietly. In my head, only desperate losers would come up to me like that, he doesn't know me, he probably does this to a million girls. If there were hott, smart, funny, regular guys going up to girls and talking to them out of nowhere then maybe we'd give guys like this a chance. but 95% of guys that hit on me in public are guppies.
Now, In my situation.. after knowing my boyfriend for approx 10 years, and after an ongoing rivalry throughout highschool, I finally approached him on my own, got his number on my own, and made all of the first moves on getting to know him (more than I already did).. and it worked for me. But if I hadn't known him before.. there isn't a SHOT I would've spoken to him. I would've thought he was way too good looking for me, and most likely had a girlfriend.
If we knew ahead of time a guy was available, and wouldn't turn us down.. would we approach?
If we knew the guys who approach us weren't freaks but actually interested in us.. would they have a chance?
I guess it all comes back to our own insecurities and how comfortable we are in our own skin. Until we get there, we're going to continue to revert back to the last reachable ex-boyfriend in our times of lonelyness and despair. Aye aye aye!
I have a close group of hottie girlfriends who are perfectly capable of dating someone with intelligence, looks, personality, and humor. But for some reason... these "ex's"... who fall short in almost every catergory or another have these choke holds on my girls. Why is this? My friends aren't dumb, and they would agree with me if I pointed out their flaws. And after all of my thinking, and after going through it MYSELF with my ex, i figured out the only thing keeping these girls around... is... comfort. It is so much more difficult to start things off with a stranger. Luckily for me, the guy I'm with I've known for most of my lifetime. But for a girl to start new with a brand new guy just doesn't happen. it's uncomfortable. Both parties have a higher chance of getting hurt or dissapointing the other person than if they dated someone theyve been with before or have known as a friend before. But back in the day it didn't happen like that...
All the movies and fairytales talk about how the guy found the girl of his dreams walking through a mall or a park. HAS THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU? No. I have never been walking through a store, locked eyes with a guy, and spoken to him. And You know who i blame? The freaks. yes. all you freaks out there have ruined the ways of meeting a mate. Because if a guy comes up to me.. asks me out, or tells me i'm beautiful.. he goes to the 'freak' category immedietly. In my head, only desperate losers would come up to me like that, he doesn't know me, he probably does this to a million girls. If there were hott, smart, funny, regular guys going up to girls and talking to them out of nowhere then maybe we'd give guys like this a chance. but 95% of guys that hit on me in public are guppies.
Now, In my situation.. after knowing my boyfriend for approx 10 years, and after an ongoing rivalry throughout highschool, I finally approached him on my own, got his number on my own, and made all of the first moves on getting to know him (more than I already did).. and it worked for me. But if I hadn't known him before.. there isn't a SHOT I would've spoken to him. I would've thought he was way too good looking for me, and most likely had a girlfriend.
If we knew ahead of time a guy was available, and wouldn't turn us down.. would we approach?
If we knew the guys who approach us weren't freaks but actually interested in us.. would they have a chance?
I guess it all comes back to our own insecurities and how comfortable we are in our own skin. Until we get there, we're going to continue to revert back to the last reachable ex-boyfriend in our times of lonelyness and despair. Aye aye aye!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
There's still wax in your ears... and it smells.
So I sat in bed typing this out on my iphone all night. I am really trying hard to understand how this “thing” called the male brain works. Are we really still explaining the meaning of ‘NO’? Maybe that word doesn’t work anymore. Maybe it’s been opposite day forever in every guy’s brain. Maybe we need to start communicating with hand gestures and grunts. I wonder how these guys function at their jobs?
Guy: Can I take today off?
Boss: No.
Guy: Okay, see you tomorrow!
I mean, I can’t imagine why this selective hearing only applies to conversations with girls. And don’t give me that men and women communicate differently nonsense, because last time I checked... even 2 yr old toddlers knew what the word ‘NO’ meant.
There’s this one gentleman I call Mr. 7:20 that visits me very early in the morning when I work the coffee bar. This guy has asked me out TWICE, apologized for asking me out, asked me out again, and then even after I told him that he makes me feel UNCOMFORTABLE!!!!! He has the nerve to continue to show up and give me creepy compliments like.. ‘my favorite part of the day is when I come to see you’… Really? How sad your life must be. I’m not nice to you. I tell you that you make me feel uncomfortable. We don’t make eye contact. I’ve turned you down 3 friggin’ times. And I’m STILL the best part of your day? He seriously must think I’m the hottest chick in the dang world. Cause there’s no way my personality is winning this cat over.
I mean. What is it gonna take for guys to figure out that there is NO (there I go using that word again) chance that we will ever want to date you. Even if you paid me in macaroni-and-cheese-bubble-baths. I would still tell you to hit the road running. What else do we gotta do? Change our phone numbers? Ya’ll WONDER why I change my hair so often. I’m trying to disguise myself from the creepies. And what’s even worse? ALLLLLL of the creepies still find me, black, brown, short, long, blonde, bangs, no bangs, whatever, they still track me down and comment on how much better I looked as a blonde, or thank me for finally becoming the prettiest I can be.
I like you as much as I like eating rotten cabbage. I don’t even wish to touch pinkies with you, or even make eye contact with you, so I’m really not interested in what hair style you prefer to stalk me in.
Guy: Can I take today off?
Boss: No.
Guy: Okay, see you tomorrow!
I mean, I can’t imagine why this selective hearing only applies to conversations with girls. And don’t give me that men and women communicate differently nonsense, because last time I checked... even 2 yr old toddlers knew what the word ‘NO’ meant.
There’s this one gentleman I call Mr. 7:20 that visits me very early in the morning when I work the coffee bar. This guy has asked me out TWICE, apologized for asking me out, asked me out again, and then even after I told him that he makes me feel UNCOMFORTABLE!!!!! He has the nerve to continue to show up and give me creepy compliments like.. ‘my favorite part of the day is when I come to see you’… Really? How sad your life must be. I’m not nice to you. I tell you that you make me feel uncomfortable. We don’t make eye contact. I’ve turned you down 3 friggin’ times. And I’m STILL the best part of your day? He seriously must think I’m the hottest chick in the dang world. Cause there’s no way my personality is winning this cat over.
I mean. What is it gonna take for guys to figure out that there is NO (there I go using that word again) chance that we will ever want to date you. Even if you paid me in macaroni-and-cheese-bubble-baths. I would still tell you to hit the road running. What else do we gotta do? Change our phone numbers? Ya’ll WONDER why I change my hair so often. I’m trying to disguise myself from the creepies. And what’s even worse? ALLLLLL of the creepies still find me, black, brown, short, long, blonde, bangs, no bangs, whatever, they still track me down and comment on how much better I looked as a blonde, or thank me for finally becoming the prettiest I can be.
I like you as much as I like eating rotten cabbage. I don’t even wish to touch pinkies with you, or even make eye contact with you, so I’m really not interested in what hair style you prefer to stalk me in.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Can you get your ears cleaned?
Okay. Seriously. I have a few close girl friends that I surround myself with frequently, right? and somehow.. even though we are all VERY VERY different, we all have.. literally.. the same issues with guys. and although the competition between guys and their faults was close... the winner is (drum roll please).. GUYS WHO DON'T LISTEN!
Come on. This is really starting to kill me. We're not even talking about subtle hints, or post it notes. This is not understanding the words "I HATE YOU!". I don't even know if there is hope for you, if you don't hear the woman in front of you saying 'Stop doing that. Or i'll leave you'. It's friggin amazing. If you're bringing up things or doing things over and over again and the girl keeps telling you to stop? you should probably stop! and when you don't stop, and she LEAVES YOU, you DEFINITELY shouldn't ask her best friends 'why did she leave?'. It's embarrassing. And you douchbags are LUCKY that these girls are precious jewels, because eventually.. you're gonna do this 'hard of hearing' shindig with the WRONG woman, and you're gonna end up with a cracked up face. I myself, can be a little bit of a psycho which is why I am so glad that my guy has two functioning ears.
Another thing I don't understand. Talking to girls who have boyfriends. Put yourself in their boyfriends shoes genius. Would you like it if some better looking guy was tempting your woman with his sweet words and attention? No. you would kill the guy. So consider yourself a man who loves taken woman more than his own life. Because you might lose it if you get caught. And EVEN if you can convince the taken girl to leave her boyfriend for you.. You know that she'll leave you when the next 'better thing' comes along right? If she's willing to leave her man for you, she'll leave you for another man. It's a lose lose situation. And honestly, I think this is ALL about ego. It's like a challenge for the guy to try and swoop up someones girlfriend because that means that you were better than the guy who first swept her off her feet. Which is honestly pathetic. Who likes sloppy seconds? Do you really want a girl who's sharing her saliva and possibly more with you and some dude? Cause if you do, then you might be more into dudes than you are into girls. And you should get that looked at.
And Guys, if you have a girlfriend. You should probably make sure that there are no reasons she'd be interested in another guy. Being ignored, or forgotten about, or neglected, NOT LISTENING, being pushed aside for your band, video games, the "boys", or poker are gonna give you a girl who is convinced there is someone better for her.
I know that I'm sounding kinda harsh, but this really can't go on any longer. I don't know how much more I can take.
One last thing, Why do guys think that because they have a girlfriend it means they have to 'answer' to them or get 'permission' from them to do things? Is this just an excuse because you really want to do things your girlfriend wouldn't approve of? My boyfriend doesn't have to get permission from me to do squat. He can do anything. Except for deal drugs, go to strip clubs, cheat on me, become a transvestite, move to alaska, buy me flowers, wear my clothes, or convert to Judaism. Other than that, I think it's best to just be yourself and do what you wanna do. And if the girl/guy you're dating doesn't approve of that, then you shouldn't be together in the first place.
... That's what she said.
Come on. This is really starting to kill me. We're not even talking about subtle hints, or post it notes. This is not understanding the words "I HATE YOU!". I don't even know if there is hope for you, if you don't hear the woman in front of you saying 'Stop doing that. Or i'll leave you'. It's friggin amazing. If you're bringing up things or doing things over and over again and the girl keeps telling you to stop? you should probably stop! and when you don't stop, and she LEAVES YOU, you DEFINITELY shouldn't ask her best friends 'why did she leave?'. It's embarrassing. And you douchbags are LUCKY that these girls are precious jewels, because eventually.. you're gonna do this 'hard of hearing' shindig with the WRONG woman, and you're gonna end up with a cracked up face. I myself, can be a little bit of a psycho which is why I am so glad that my guy has two functioning ears.
Another thing I don't understand. Talking to girls who have boyfriends. Put yourself in their boyfriends shoes genius. Would you like it if some better looking guy was tempting your woman with his sweet words and attention? No. you would kill the guy. So consider yourself a man who loves taken woman more than his own life. Because you might lose it if you get caught. And EVEN if you can convince the taken girl to leave her boyfriend for you.. You know that she'll leave you when the next 'better thing' comes along right? If she's willing to leave her man for you, she'll leave you for another man. It's a lose lose situation. And honestly, I think this is ALL about ego. It's like a challenge for the guy to try and swoop up someones girlfriend because that means that you were better than the guy who first swept her off her feet. Which is honestly pathetic. Who likes sloppy seconds? Do you really want a girl who's sharing her saliva and possibly more with you and some dude? Cause if you do, then you might be more into dudes than you are into girls. And you should get that looked at.
And Guys, if you have a girlfriend. You should probably make sure that there are no reasons she'd be interested in another guy. Being ignored, or forgotten about, or neglected, NOT LISTENING, being pushed aside for your band, video games, the "boys", or poker are gonna give you a girl who is convinced there is someone better for her.
I know that I'm sounding kinda harsh, but this really can't go on any longer. I don't know how much more I can take.
One last thing, Why do guys think that because they have a girlfriend it means they have to 'answer' to them or get 'permission' from them to do things? Is this just an excuse because you really want to do things your girlfriend wouldn't approve of? My boyfriend doesn't have to get permission from me to do squat. He can do anything. Except for deal drugs, go to strip clubs, cheat on me, become a transvestite, move to alaska, buy me flowers, wear my clothes, or convert to Judaism. Other than that, I think it's best to just be yourself and do what you wanna do. And if the girl/guy you're dating doesn't approve of that, then you shouldn't be together in the first place.
... That's what she said.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Boys and the city: History
Because of the amount of men in my past life I had to do a clean up job and seperate my ex's into two categories. 1- Good History. 2- Bad History.
Good History is when I've dated a guy, we broke up, and i'd either date him again or continue to be his friend. Good History can also be that guy that you'd consider getting dinner with or hanging out with when you need to feel special (you know who you are mrs.) This happens. and It's kind of... Sad in a way. There have been guys in my life that i've had problems getting completely over. Like, why aren't we together again? why don't you like me? why didn't it work? and that's the worst. Usually around those type of guys I have to continualy remind myself of their deal breaker or downfall. Or just be happy that I still have them in my life. This one guy everyone knows is my Good History because it always goes back to him. If i see him in the street I must immediately look the other way, cause you know it's gonna be bad for me. If i have dated you before, and you still give me butterflies when i see you.. then your history is just too good! Maybe those kinda guys SHOULD be bad history. Obviously your not gonna date them again. SO they just need to die somewhere and leave you alone.
Bad History is pretty self explanatory. I hate you. You suck. I don't ever wanna date you again. You screwed me over. You made me mad. You broke every deal a dealbreaker could break. You have failed in life or in love and I'm gonna have to ask you to evacuate life and shut your mouth. Did I even need to explain?
Now what i'm so confused about is why Guys can't use the bad history category when looking back on their ex girlfriends. Every guy puts their ex's in like this.. anything goes category. Like, they might SAY they hate their ex girlfriend but they wouldn't even be mean to her face. or they might SAY that they'd never date them again but if you were lonely or if they showed up at your doorstep, you'd let them in and offer them a beverage. I'm not trying to say every guy has to hate their ex girlfriend but do they EVER? REALLY? I hate some of my ex's and even last night I saw one and he was completely civil to me. Why are you even acknowledging my existence? you should ignore me. I broke your heart. I was evil and mean to you. and you'd still let me go have coffee with you right now if I wanted to?
Guys- If a girl breaks your heart, cheats on you, stops calling you, flakes on you, makes excuses and breaks up with you. It's ok to not like her. It's ok to say.. No, you can't come over. Because you know what? She doesn't REALLY like you, or you wouldn't be keyword: HISTORY! She's using you! Because we girls know the power we have over our ex's. We know how to push their buttons and get our way and i know that this is evil, but it's true. Protect yourselves gentlemen! Put a friggin stop sign on your door, and say NO to the comfortable hook-up. It's never gonna be a good thing.
Now girls go delete your ex boyfriends number from your phone. And Guys? start hating on some girls. It's fun, believe me!
Good History is when I've dated a guy, we broke up, and i'd either date him again or continue to be his friend. Good History can also be that guy that you'd consider getting dinner with or hanging out with when you need to feel special (you know who you are mrs.) This happens. and It's kind of... Sad in a way. There have been guys in my life that i've had problems getting completely over. Like, why aren't we together again? why don't you like me? why didn't it work? and that's the worst. Usually around those type of guys I have to continualy remind myself of their deal breaker or downfall. Or just be happy that I still have them in my life. This one guy everyone knows is my Good History because it always goes back to him. If i see him in the street I must immediately look the other way, cause you know it's gonna be bad for me. If i have dated you before, and you still give me butterflies when i see you.. then your history is just too good! Maybe those kinda guys SHOULD be bad history. Obviously your not gonna date them again. SO they just need to die somewhere and leave you alone.
Bad History is pretty self explanatory. I hate you. You suck. I don't ever wanna date you again. You screwed me over. You made me mad. You broke every deal a dealbreaker could break. You have failed in life or in love and I'm gonna have to ask you to evacuate life and shut your mouth. Did I even need to explain?
Now what i'm so confused about is why Guys can't use the bad history category when looking back on their ex girlfriends. Every guy puts their ex's in like this.. anything goes category. Like, they might SAY they hate their ex girlfriend but they wouldn't even be mean to her face. or they might SAY that they'd never date them again but if you were lonely or if they showed up at your doorstep, you'd let them in and offer them a beverage. I'm not trying to say every guy has to hate their ex girlfriend but do they EVER? REALLY? I hate some of my ex's and even last night I saw one and he was completely civil to me. Why are you even acknowledging my existence? you should ignore me. I broke your heart. I was evil and mean to you. and you'd still let me go have coffee with you right now if I wanted to?
Guys- If a girl breaks your heart, cheats on you, stops calling you, flakes on you, makes excuses and breaks up with you. It's ok to not like her. It's ok to say.. No, you can't come over. Because you know what? She doesn't REALLY like you, or you wouldn't be keyword: HISTORY! She's using you! Because we girls know the power we have over our ex's. We know how to push their buttons and get our way and i know that this is evil, but it's true. Protect yourselves gentlemen! Put a friggin stop sign on your door, and say NO to the comfortable hook-up. It's never gonna be a good thing.
Now girls go delete your ex boyfriends number from your phone. And Guys? start hating on some girls. It's fun, believe me!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
The Deal Breaker: Part 2, and a little friend-friend action...
Ok, So I know I said I was gonna write about friend-friends but, after a dinner with some of old girlfriends last night I felt as if I had some more things to say about this Deal-Breaker nonsense. Are there really guys out there like this? I am really starting to give up on the opposite sex and their strange flirting tactics. Ok, Here is a no brainer, and really.. we mean this, guys!
DO NOT make the girl you met less than 48 hours ago read poetry aloud to you in the morning. This makes us think two things... 1) you can't read. 2) you are the creepiest man alive. As my friend Chelsey says 'I don't do cold readings'... and she shouldn't have to. Why do you think that's ok? I just met you, I just STARTED to like you.. and now you've ruined your changes by making me feel as if i'm taking care of you in a nursing home. This may have worked in Beauty and the beast but it doesn't work in the real friggin world. And can we go back to the nursing home topic for a sec...?
Hey Ladies. These are places you PROBABLY shouldn't try to find men:
The Bar.
The Strip Club.
The Clinic.
or The Nursing Home.
and I honestly don't have anything else to say about that.
I also feel the need to blog about a story I heard last night. A Guy actually DREW a bouquet of flowers on a piece of paper. Now, flowers offend me. But the thought that some idiot guy couldn't even creepily buy real flowers, he DREW THEM!? I'm sorry. you need to be put down immediately. If you're gonna be a creep, you might as well act it out in real life. Love does not equal anime.
What happened in the world that the human race started behaving this way toward each other? What happened to meeting people, getting to know them, and liking them for who they were? I think of myself as a pretty honest human being, so chances are.. you're gonna know if you like me right away... and you're gonna know if i like YOU right away. you're either gonna be awesome or creepy. and if you're wondering why i haven't returned your calls lately, you should probably read 3 blogs back. It's safe to say that I don't think you're awesome.
Another deal breaker that must be addressed: Telling a girl you wanna marry her, before you've dated for at least.. and in weird circumstances.. a month or two. I keep meeting these guys who tell me i'm the woman of their dreams and the love of their life like.. a week after they met me! You know how I know you guys are lying? Have you seen me shave my legs yet? Have you seen me in the morning? Have you seen the scar on my knee? Have you heard me fart or burp? Do you know what I smell like when I smell bad? Have you seen the tooth missing in my mouth? I'm sure the answer to all of those things are no. And honestly? I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you I am perfect and precious all of the time. Although I want you to think this for as long as possible... I also want you to know what you're getting into. Cause there are gonna be days I don't want to put on my fake eyelashes or self-tanner, and I'd kinda like it if my husband didn't gasp when I look this way. So, before you're ready to throw around the MARRIAGE and MADLY IN LOVE words, I'm gonna have to ask you to smell my feet.....
Moving on. I'm actually confusing myself with this friend-friend idea. I know i'm the one who came up with it, but... I feel like the number of friend-friend guys in my life are getting smaller and smaller. Possibly because half of my friend-friends ended up dating me and going into flattered-friend zone. But anyways, You know a guy can only remain in the friend-friend zone pretty easily. You just ask yourself one question... Am i jealous of his girlfriend? If you are, then he cant be a friend-friend. if you're not jealous then, he's a friend-friend.
Now there IS a difference between being jealous he has a girlfriend, and just not liking the chic. Some of my friend-friends have dated girls, i just want to slap. I don't like the way they treat my FF's, i don't like the way they are little whiney babies, or I don't like that they are stealing their freedom. That doesn't mean I'm jealous of them, I just want my FF to find a new girl. If I'm jealous of them, I want to be in their shoes. I want my FF to treat me that way. Then I'm in trouble, and I've now gone over into the Flattered Friend Dark Zone. and No one likes that zone. Not ANYONE! It's dangerous. Full of sadness, jealousy, anger, depression, and chocolate. Stay away from this zone if you can. If the guy wants to be more than friends, HE WOULD'VE BEEN ALREADY! so you're alone in this ladies, so just.. try to numb any attraction you have toward this guy immediately and stick him back in the Friend-Friend zone. Trust me.
DO NOT make the girl you met less than 48 hours ago read poetry aloud to you in the morning. This makes us think two things... 1) you can't read. 2) you are the creepiest man alive. As my friend Chelsey says 'I don't do cold readings'... and she shouldn't have to. Why do you think that's ok? I just met you, I just STARTED to like you.. and now you've ruined your changes by making me feel as if i'm taking care of you in a nursing home. This may have worked in Beauty and the beast but it doesn't work in the real friggin world. And can we go back to the nursing home topic for a sec...?
Hey Ladies. These are places you PROBABLY shouldn't try to find men:
The Bar.
The Strip Club.
The Clinic.
or The Nursing Home.
and I honestly don't have anything else to say about that.
I also feel the need to blog about a story I heard last night. A Guy actually DREW a bouquet of flowers on a piece of paper. Now, flowers offend me. But the thought that some idiot guy couldn't even creepily buy real flowers, he DREW THEM!? I'm sorry. you need to be put down immediately. If you're gonna be a creep, you might as well act it out in real life. Love does not equal anime.
What happened in the world that the human race started behaving this way toward each other? What happened to meeting people, getting to know them, and liking them for who they were? I think of myself as a pretty honest human being, so chances are.. you're gonna know if you like me right away... and you're gonna know if i like YOU right away. you're either gonna be awesome or creepy. and if you're wondering why i haven't returned your calls lately, you should probably read 3 blogs back. It's safe to say that I don't think you're awesome.
Another deal breaker that must be addressed: Telling a girl you wanna marry her, before you've dated for at least.. and in weird circumstances.. a month or two. I keep meeting these guys who tell me i'm the woman of their dreams and the love of their life like.. a week after they met me! You know how I know you guys are lying? Have you seen me shave my legs yet? Have you seen me in the morning? Have you seen the scar on my knee? Have you heard me fart or burp? Do you know what I smell like when I smell bad? Have you seen the tooth missing in my mouth? I'm sure the answer to all of those things are no. And honestly? I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you I am perfect and precious all of the time. Although I want you to think this for as long as possible... I also want you to know what you're getting into. Cause there are gonna be days I don't want to put on my fake eyelashes or self-tanner, and I'd kinda like it if my husband didn't gasp when I look this way. So, before you're ready to throw around the MARRIAGE and MADLY IN LOVE words, I'm gonna have to ask you to smell my feet.....
Moving on. I'm actually confusing myself with this friend-friend idea. I know i'm the one who came up with it, but... I feel like the number of friend-friend guys in my life are getting smaller and smaller. Possibly because half of my friend-friends ended up dating me and going into flattered-friend zone. But anyways, You know a guy can only remain in the friend-friend zone pretty easily. You just ask yourself one question... Am i jealous of his girlfriend? If you are, then he cant be a friend-friend. if you're not jealous then, he's a friend-friend.
Now there IS a difference between being jealous he has a girlfriend, and just not liking the chic. Some of my friend-friends have dated girls, i just want to slap. I don't like the way they treat my FF's, i don't like the way they are little whiney babies, or I don't like that they are stealing their freedom. That doesn't mean I'm jealous of them, I just want my FF to find a new girl. If I'm jealous of them, I want to be in their shoes. I want my FF to treat me that way. Then I'm in trouble, and I've now gone over into the Flattered Friend Dark Zone. and No one likes that zone. Not ANYONE! It's dangerous. Full of sadness, jealousy, anger, depression, and chocolate. Stay away from this zone if you can. If the guy wants to be more than friends, HE WOULD'VE BEEN ALREADY! so you're alone in this ladies, so just.. try to numb any attraction you have toward this guy immediately and stick him back in the Friend-Friend zone. Trust me.
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